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Friday, June 22, 2007

Abandon all hope ye who enter in...

or

Biological warfare

If here you have arrived through some metaphysic search to delve upon elucidations regarding things martial or Machiavellian, you have mistread. For lo I speak to you of a horror much deeper, more primordial, more inhuman. If you have a heart well acquainted and endowed with bravery, steel yourself and read on.

I speak to you of an ordeal I was so foolish to dain volunteer earlier this fornight. Twas Moon's day when upon arrival at the homestead I discovered a state of illness had befallen upon my family. My young son, heir to the family name had been striken with intestinal distress various times and from diverse orifices. Twice these maladies had found him that day whilst he rode secured in his seat in our transport -- our wagon for commuting between stations.

To prevent a foul and malodorous (or more malodorous) condition from permanently settling within the confines of this wagon I set about to remove the afflicted compartment and clean it fastidiously.

Where brave men fear to tread, fools rush in.

I didst proceed to sop what I could and found the task not that daunting till I removed the apholstery from his chariot and experienced the nightmare within.

There, down in the depths, festering in the modled and metal compartments, intermingled with bindings of canvas, there lay horrors unknown and as yet unidentified. It was as if a darkened creature painted with a hideous rainbow pallet from hades had relieved itself within the hidden chambers of this seat.

I swear I saw it stir.

Though I conducted my task in the bright sun of late afternoon I still felt a cold shadow pass across my heart. I shrank back, then steeled myself and pressed on with what feeble tools I had at hand to disinfect and deodorize.

Like Dante's inferno there were layers upon layers of besmirchment. Some crusty, some dampened, some brackish and grey and certain others that defy description and should not be spoken of. I realized this was not the result of the recent malady that had struck the lad. Nay, that had merely inspired this discovery of an ancient monstrosity. But I should not speak in the singular, for when I asked somewhat profanely "My God! What is this?!", the response came back, not singular, but as a cacophony of voices that spoke as one.

"wE ARe LeGiON..."

I sat in silence.

Some time passed. A cloud o'er covered the sun but like the grace of God it's warmth returned undaunted and I prepared myself to be at least partially as steadfast.

My labor endured. I shall not regail you with the gruesome details. But bit by bit, I found that the true nature of the seat remained and that this loathsome putrescence could be set upon its heels and exorcized.

I found old devices now rusted and coroded. I found silver and copper. I found trappings for adorning the hair and baubles and treasures and trinkets plastic and otherwise. I did not allow these earthly treasures to tempt me for I knew they had all been soiled far beyond redemption and were tainted. So they were all exiled to the rubbish bin along with the foul substances that engulfed them.

At last when my task was done, and I had searched the contraption again and yet again to ensure no more demonic besmirchment remained, I sat and rested.

I looked down upon my hands and wished that some merciful soul wouldst tear from my digits the very nails that crowned them for I knew they would never be pure again and that I would carry some remnants of my struggle beneath those nails for the rest of my days. There are some stains that no lye nor brush nor hot bath can remove.

And so, I returned into the bright oasis of my home for a moment to put the darkness of my ordeal behind me, though I knew then I would carry it with me always. Within I found my sweet companion and our child and she said unto me: "Here, take him. I've got to change, he's thrown up all over my clothes."

At that moment I remembered that she has many times previously and thoroughly cleaned out our kid's car seats.

6 Comments:

Blogger wordsonwater said...

A friend of mine was once left to care for his sick two year old. The boy was spewing dreadful and disgusting liquids from every orifice and the man was not up to the challange. He told me, " I though for a minute it might be best just to throw this one away and make another."
Great post. You have spun gold from straw.

6:58 PM, June 26, 2007  
Blogger Jeff said...

I read it twice, and then I called in Marcy to hear it, too. We laughed a bitter laugh, and Marcy said, "Now that CG is almost three, should we check out those car seats?"

I think not.

Brilliant!

6:21 AM, July 09, 2007  
Blogger Rainbow dreams said...

a brilliant piece of writing... love it..

4:04 PM, July 09, 2007  
Blogger Variations On A Theme said...

Just read it again. Hope you write more soon!
Love you,
Lisa

9:10 PM, August 17, 2007  
Blogger Jeff said...

I just reread it again...for probably the 10th time. It is so funny, and I find something new in it each time.

Write more. I feel greedy.

7:12 PM, August 20, 2007  
Anonymous liberallyconservative said...

I hadn't been in the blogosphere in ages and didn't realize all I'd been missing. Your writing is witty and wonderful. What a great voice! I've read and re-read and laughed out loud each time. I love it!

12:28 AM, December 24, 2007  

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